Anytime you want to decode mom

Dear Chicken Nugget,

This letter will hopefully save you from some language confusion as you get older. Let me explain.

The word "anytime" is defined by the Merriam-Webster Dictionary as, "at any time whatever." In other words, there is no defined hour, date, etc.

Your mom, on the other hand, defines "anytime" as "now."

I am convinced that this confusion in definition stems from your mother's natural politeness.  She's not a terribly bossy person, in fact, she's not bossy at all.  But, she is a very active one.  She's a doer.  And, she does things now.

If you ever encounter a statement like, "Anytime you want to sweep up the dirt your sneakers dragged in, that'd be great," you should take it as, "Sweep up the dirt now, please."  Note that I include the please because I am certain if I asked her to rephrase her statement she'd still keep it as polite as possible.

The point is, never take the word anytime to mean anything less than now.  Not after you finish typing your blog entry, not after showering, not after resting for a bit, not after anything.  Anytime is now.

Another way of tackling this confusion is by simply replacing the words so instead of your mom saying, "Anytime you want to take out the garbage..."  you instead understand, "Now you want to take out the garbage..."

Yes, she did just tell you what you want to do right now and yes, you're going to do it. 

If ever you're confused by mom's use of anytime, you can see me for help.  I'm available anytime.


Eternally yours,


Your papa