Your first Halloween

Dear Chicken Nugget,


Your cousin Timothy and your aunt Sara came to visit from Madison, Wisconsin and meet you for the first time.  They were here for a few days, helped a ton by making us some wonderful meals, and gave us a glimpse of what our lives would be like with two babies.

chaos!

The absolute best part was celebrating Halloween.  Your cousin Timothy dressed up as Tigger and played the part really well.

Timothy as Tigger.

You were Superman for your first Halloween.  Your mom and I decided to milk your costume as much as possible.  We've had you wear your costume at least three days now and may continue to put you in it a few more days. 

Dad as Clark Kent and Chicken Nugget as Superman.

It was wonderful having your Aunt Sara and Cousin Timothy here with us.  We miss them already.  But, the fun continues.  Guess what you're wearing to church...

Oh yes

Eternally yours,

Tu papa

sometimes bad things happen to good people

Dear Chicken Nugget,

I learned earlier this week of the passing of an old acquaintance who worked on a political campaign with me over nine years ago.

She was 38, married, had two kids, ages 6 and 3, and healthy.  She had a stroke and the doctors were unable to save her.  It has to be the saddest story I have heard in a while.

It's been quite some time, but I remember her having a great, positive personality.  She and her husband were wonderful activists, fighting on behalf of the rights of immigrant workers who were exploited in sweatshops.

Whenever I hear of a tragic story like this, it reminds me that we have very little time here on Earth and every minute is a true blessing.  I don't know why bad things happen to good people.  It's, seemingly, one of the most unfair aspects of human life.

About ten years ago I read a book called When Bad Things Happen to Good People by Rabbi Harold Kushner.  It was recommended to me by Rabbi Andrew Bachman, who, at the time, was director of the NYU Center for Jewish Student Life.

Rabbi Kushner does a great job examining the possibilities and reminds us that regardless of the tragedy or disaster, God is with us if we only look and listen.  The lines that have probably stuck with me the most are from the last few pages:

"Our responding to life's unfairness with sympathy and with righteous indignation, God's compassion and God's anger working through us, may be the surest proof of all of God's reality." (142)

"Religion alone can affirm the afflicted person's sense of self-worth. Science can describe what has happened to a person; only religion can call it a tragedy. Only the voice of religion, when it frees itself from the need to defend and justify God for all that happens, can say to the afflicted person, 'You are a good person, and you deserve better. Let me come and sit with you so that you will know that you are not alone.'" (143)

I'm sure folks will disagree with this assessment of science and religion.  But, I find Rabbi Kushner's words to ring true.  I see God in the world around me; not just the physical world, but also in human interaction.  I see God's action in the priest who consoles a mourner, in the friend lending a shoulder to cry on, in the community offering generous support to a family who lost their home, and in the restaurant owner who offers a bowl of soup to a homeless man on a chilly day.

God is indeed there.  But, since we do have such little time on this Earth, I have a list of everyday actions for you:

1) Tell your mom that you love her every time you talk to her.
2) Your dad too.
3) Actually, tell anyone and everyone you love that you love them as often as possible.
4) When you hug someone, hug as if you haven't seen them in years.
5) If there's an opportunity to do something nice for someone, do it.
6) If you feel the urge to dance, then dance; regardless of when or where.
7) Don't take yourself too seriously.  God loves you, yes, but He also wants you to lighten up and enjoy life.
8) Speaking of enjoying life, smile!
9) God gave us family and friends.  Remember them.
10) Give thanks every day for what you've been given.

I don't know how much time any of us has here on Earth.  But, I do know that I love you and your mom very much.  And I will always love you.


Eternally yours,

Tu papa

a song for you

Dear Chicken Nugget,

I found myself singing a song to you yesterday as I carried you around the apartment and realized that it's something that's been stuck in my head for a few days.

The song has no title, though it's yours.  Your mom started singing it to you when you were in the belly.  She made up the lyrics and melody herself.

The chorus says something like:

Oh you're my baby boo,
And I love you.
I'm gonna love you forever,
Oh you're my baby boo,
And I love you.
I'm gonna love you forever.

At some point I'd like to record her singing it to you. 

It reminds me of a song I love by a band that no longer exists.  Shea was recorded, written, and performed by a band called Cecilia.  They were a family band made up of a mom, dad, son, two daughters and a bass player.  I met them for the first time in Washington Square Park while on a lunch break in college.  Their sound was refreshing and their lyrics were inspiring.

Cecilia the band

When I became a teacher, I would go to their gigs every Friday night, wherever they were playing.  It was my way of de-stressing after a long week.  At one of their gigs, your Uncle Bob and I ended up befriending the fiancee of the lead guitarist/son in the family.  It turns out her daughter, Shea, was the little girl they were singing about in the song.  She was a beautiful little four year old at the time and I kept thinking, how cool to have a song written about you?  It immortalizes you.



Well, when the bassist left, who, by the way, is currently engaged to my friend Cora, the band became The Veltz Family.  They played on and wrote more beautiful music but eventually went their separate ways to work on individual projects.

Your mom, our friend Javiera, and I went to see one of the daughters of the family, Allison, play in Manhattan when your mom was eight months pregnant with you.  The voice and style are still there.  The music lives on.  And, for one night, I was transported back in time.

Allison Veltz

It's been years now.  The beautiful little blond girl from the song Shea is now 12 and going to school dances and I am now a parent singing to my very own child. 

Perhaps one day, when we're feeling creative, we'll work on expanding the lyrics to your song, working on the melody, and actually turning it into a full-length song.  It probably won't even come close to what Cecilia was able to put together back in the day, but at least you'll be able to say, like Shea, that you have your own song.

Eternally yours,


Tu papa

my a-ha moment with God

Dear Chicken Nugget,

Just last week I started teaching Young Family Sunday School at church.  Since our population of children is small and ages range from six weeks old to 10 years old, we decided to teach both the child and the parents together.  It's challenging but I pray that we're successful in growing the faith life of families.

As a starting point I had everyone draw on paper what God was to them.  There were pictures of crosses, hearts, train tracks (a three year old drew that one), and a mountain (that was mine).

When it was my turn to explain my drawing I told everyone about my "a-ha" moment with God:

As a child I went to church with my family but sometime around the age of 13 science became my basis for the world.  Everything in the world could be explained through science.

Then, the summer after my Freshman year of college, some old high school friends and I went white water rafting in North Creek, NY.  We drove up there in a ridiculous storm that gave drivers inches of visibility and we crammed eight college kids into a motel room.

The rafting itself was lots of fun with plenty of bumps and people flying out of the boat.  At the end of the trip down the river we came to this calm place where, after some hard paddling work, we could lay back and enjoy the view.

Hudson River, North Creek, NY, photographed by D.R. March

As we floated down the river I took in the amazing view around us: the tall trees, mountains, birds circling overhead, and friends smiling ear to ear.

Suddenly I had my "a-ha" moment.  Somehow all of this, the people, the trees, the mountains, were all there for a reason.  And the reason was . . . God?  It wasn't easy to change my "scientific" rational mind to a God-based reality, but it happened.  And, it started happening in that moment.

After that experience I found myself seeking out the Newman Club at NYU (the undergraduate Catholic club) and quickly became active in the Catholic Center at NYU.  And now, eleven years later, I'm teaching Young Family Sunday School.

It's hard to explain what I saw and felt that day.  But, I hope that someday you'll be able to see a mountain and see God the way I did.

Eternally yours,

Tu papa

you have me wordless you chubness monster!

Dear Chicken Nugget,

I have to admit that I've gotten very little work done at home since you joined us almost seven weeks ago.

I'll start things - like lesson planning, writing letters, reading articles - and not finish them until 12 hours later.  Something that could take me 30 minutes will take a total of 12 hours from start to finish.

For one thing, you're requiring a lot of attention.  A lot.  I am more than happy to pay close attention to you.  I would much rather stare at you than have to figure out how make the texture of a rock exciting to a second grader.

Most of the attention you require is based around food.  You've continued to eat like a champ and put on weight like a sumo wrestler.  At 6 1/2 weeks we weighted you at 12lbs.  That's double your birth weight in less than seven weeks!  Luckily your mom is the provider of the food but that doesn't mean I'm jobless.  While momma takes care of you, I have to take care of the momma.

Even when you're not demanding attention I find myself struggling to find the words I need to complete my work.  Instead, I end up in wordless awe of the miracle that is you.  No words.  Just thoughts of you.

Speaking of which, I'm going to go stare at you while you sleep.

Te quiero siempre,

Tu papa

5 weeks old!

Dear Chicken Nugget,

Today you turned five weeks old!

We took you to the pediatrician for your "one-month" visit.  We found out you now weigh 9lbs 13oz, up from 5lbs 15oz at birth.  Looks like all that eating is paying off.

The nurse had to do the measurements two to three times because she thought she was measuring wrong, but it turns out you are growing that fast.

It's great news because it means that all the work you and your mom are doing is paying off.  And you're chubby and cute...

Eternally yours,

Tu papa

badass grizzly warriors of Astoria

Dear Chicken Nugget,

This afternoon when I came home from work I found your mom on the couch, holding you, and looking more tired than I've ever seen her.  She communicated in a series of twitches and grunts that she was tired, hadn't napped at all today, and needed sleep now.

I've been to Yellowstone National Park a couple of times and have read the manuals on what to do when you encounter a grizzly bear.  Basically, you assess the situation and your surroundings, you calmly and slowly back away, and you keep your pepper spray ready to shoot.

That's how I treated this encounter.  I swooped you up, placed you in the Ergo carrier, and slowly backed out of the room.  I took you for a nice long walk so that the momma bear could get her nap.

As we walked down the streets of Astoria, you sleeping soundly at my chest, I noticed another gentleman carrying his baby in a carrier.  As he walked by he smiled and nodded.  I nodded back.  Then, a couple of blocks later, another guy with an Ergo walked by, baby at his chest, and dry cleaning folded over one arm.  In the hour and forty minutes that you and I spent zig-zagging our way through the neighborhood I counted five guys carrying their babies.

But, here's the interesting part: they were carrying their babies alone.  Somehow, between 5:25pm and 7:05pm six guys from the same neighborhood found themselves carrying their babies in some sort of baby carrier with no partner in sight.

It made me wonder if they too had encountered a sleep-deprived momma bear back in the home cave.  This is going to sound corny, but every time I passed one of those guys there was a nod or wave exchanged.  It's like we belonged to a club that the rest of the neighborhood wasn't cool enough to know about.

Early on in my running career when I was stupidly starting to train for my first marathon, I experienced something similar.  When running in New York City you often end up running by another runner.  This is no big deal.  It happens many times during a run.  Sometimes you make eye contact and acknowledge one another and sometimes they run by as if you barely exist.  It's New York, that's just how it is.

But, on one cold, rainy Fall day I had to go out for a long run and the weather wasn't supposed to get any better; I either did my long run in the rain or I waited a day and ran my long run in the rain.  So, I suited up and got myself going.  As I ran that day something special started to happen.  Fools Folks running by, and there were few that day, actually waved and called out a "hey!" or "hello."  It's as if we belonged to some ridiculous cold rain running club.  It made me feel a little badass.

Of course, this...

...doesn't look badass, Nugget.  But it is.

What looks like just a regular guy carrying his baby around the neighborhood is actually a warrior who probably managed to narrowly escape the charge of a momma grizzly.

At least, that's how I felt.


Eternally yours,

Tu papa



[PS - Readers of Dear Chicken Nugget may have noticed an ad for BabyEtte on the side bar.  We love their products!  Although I mentioned carrying Nugget in the Ergo today, we also have a wrap and a sling from BabyEtte and we love wearing our little Nugget around the house and 'hood.  They're a small family-owned business and we highly recommend them for your baby-wearing needs.]

Happy One Month!

Dear Chicken Nugget,

Today you turn one month old in the outside world.  Happy Month Day!

You are growing so fast!  It's incredible to think that just one month ago we were meeting you for the first time. You were such a skinny, sleepy little Nugget then and now you're this chubby, grunting little wide-awake guy.  Except for in this picture:

Some of our family showed up to celebrate your month among us.  You slept through the entire event.  Your cousin Luanha, who is ten months old, came by to meet you for the first time.  She was one of your mom's first doula babies.  It was fun seeing you together for the first time and wondering what the future holds for you both.

We've had a wonderful first month with you, Nugget.  And, God willing, we look forward to another fifteen hundred months with you.

Eternally yours,

Tu papa

I changed my diet for you

Dear Chicken Nugget,

Heart disease runs in our family, at least my side.  I've been diagnosed with a high cholesterol since childhood and it reached its peak in adulthood.  The problem, besides my own body's inability to control its cholesterol production, is diet.

Your Grandma Betty is an awesome cook as you will someday discover.  But, the Ecuadorian diet typically consists of white rice, a meat, and some sort of delicious sauce (made of corn, plantain, or oils and spices.)  It's delicious stuff and will always taste like home to me.  But it lacks a variety of vegetables and includes too much white starch and animal fat.  Tasty, but not great for a family that is prone to diabetes and heart disease.

I've been battling with high cholesterol for at least eight years.  As a young bachelor, straight out of college, and starting to teach, I was told by the doctor that I had a high cholesterol.  High enough that I had to go on medication or do something about it - like diet and exercise.  First I tried diet, which worked somewhat.  Then I tried exercise, which started my life as a runner, and that helped some.  But, failing to combine the diet and exercise together made the cholesterol stay high.

It all reached its epic peak in January 2010 when I went in for a routine checkup at the doctor's office.  He was a new doctor and hearing about my family's history of heart disease he ran the usual tests.  The results were disastrous.

My cholesterol was high and, even worse, there were several other indicators in the blood work that showed that I was at high risk for a heart attack.  There I was, 29 years old, having just found out that your mom was pregnant with you and being told that if I was 55 years old I'd be in serious, even deadly, trouble.

I immediately got to work doing research on cholesterol, diet, exercise, and magic potions; anything to ensure that I got my cholesterol down and lived a healthy life for you and your mom.  I ended up finding a book called Prevent and Reverse Heart Disease by Dr. Caldwell Esselstyn.  In it he describes what the body does when you eat a diet high in fats and animal products.  Essentially, you get heart disease.  Although most doctors recommend that your cholesterol be kept under 200, Dr. Esselstyn recommends that you stay under 150.  And, the quickest way to do that is through a low-fat plant-based diet.

I started the diet almost as soon as I finished reading the book.  I also found out that a friend of ours from Nebraska, Bryan, had started a similar lifestyle change.  It went well and the numbers dropped dramatically.  I was training for the NJ Half-Marathon, raising money for the American Heart Association, and all was well.  I was put on medication as a precaution but the doctor said that if the numbers continued to drop we could try without the meds.

But, slowly, I became overly confidant in my numbers and I started introducing foods that I should have been avoiding.  Then, an old running injury prevented me from running the NJ Half-Marathon.  Then, summer happened.  As the excuses piled up, I lost control of my diet.  Then, you came.

For the last 27 days I've been staring at you in awe.  You are incredible.  I love you tremendously and would do anything for you; including changing my lifestyle so that I can enjoy many healthy years with you.

So, I'm back to my low-fat plant-based lifestyle.  I won't say that I'll follow the diet perfectly - there's always a mistake here and there.  But, I want those mistakes to be rare.  This isn't just about me and my cholesterol anymore.  It's also about you and your mom.

Recently, former President Bill Clinton told CNN that he has lost 24 lbs following the diet that Dr. Esselstyn writes about.  He's trying to reverse his heart disease and live long enough to see his grandkids grow up.

That's a wonderful goal.  It's mine too.


Eternally yours,

Tu papa